Single Dad, Shitty Mom

Or: How I Learned that Parental Alienation is REAL

About US

5 Comments

As of this posting, it’s been over five months since I’ve seen my daughter.

I’ve spent all this time talking to lawyers, doing research, and plotting my next moves in order to take my daughter’s mother to court to rectify this situation once and for all.

The purpose of this blog is to chronicle what will be an extremely contentious, but vital, situation in the life and times of my relationship with my daughter…and the “woman” who is trying to tear us apart; her “shitty” mother. The purpose is to build a community with other single fathers (and some of you un-shitty mothers) that have to tolerate what I have come to learn as being “Parental Alienation”. With this blog, I will share stories of the past and the present, as well as any research and information that I’ve come across in my journey for a “more perfect” relationship with my child.

Now, some of you who’ve happened upon this blog have read the title and thought “well, THAT’S just rude and counter-productive.” Well, I guarantee that the woman that I refer to as “shitty” has pretty much gone out of her way to EARN that adjective. When the only thing that you want to do is spend time with your child…and the OTHER parent does things to screw with that…well, you know what? You’d be hurt. You’d be frustrated. You’d be angry. If you were a human being, you’d be pissed. And if you are like me, you are all of those things, and FUCKING mad as HELL.

My name is Charles. I’m a multimedia artist, born in Philly, raised in Jersey, currently living in New York State. My fiancé Christina and I live in a nice home with our 2 year-old son Ravi. My daughter Maya is 7 years old, and lives on Long Island with her mother…well, I won’t use her real name here. I will, instead, use the name that my friends and family use for her: “crazy”…as in “What did ‘crazy’ do now?” or “Did you have any problems with ‘crazy’ this weekend?” As I tell this story, you will find that the name is as apt and polite as one could be.

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The common notion of divorced/separated couples with children who are in trouble is that the woman is often times painted to be the victim of the horror and terror of the father. You look anywhere, you see stories about what a jerk, what a bastard, what an ASSHOLE the father is…and the woman, the mother, who has to protect her children from this BRUTE.

What you NEVER really see or hear is the opposite side of these situations. You NEVER hear about the fathers, the men who ONLY want to be with their children…but instead are being blackmailed, maligned, disrespected, and– YES– VICTIMIZED by the woman, the mother, who for her own set of insane, irrational, obnoxious and FALSE reasons, has made it difficult to IMPOSSIBLE for these men to see their children.

The stories and information in this blog will be arranged in 4 categories:

1) Origin Story — where I will recount the history of myself and “crazy” from the humble beginnings, to the insanity of the here and now.

2) The Here & Now — means just what it says.

3) Knowledge is POWER — again, means just what it says. This is where all of my research will be discussed; videos, books, blogs, websites, conversations with lawyers, EVERYTHING we need to know to.

4) “Single MOM, Shitty DAD” — because there are some moms out there that are in the same situation.

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As you’ve probably noticed so far, the language in this blog will be “salty”, to say the least. It will be blunt, totally unexpurgated, and honest. This blog at times will convey frustration, anxiety, and yes…ANGER. I am all of these things, and more. I am SICK and TIRED of watching my little girl struggle under the influence of a self-involved, emotionally crippled, bitter and yes, SHITTY woman who claims “custodial parenthood” but acts against the best interests of our daughter. For the longest time, I thought I was alone in this– especially in the beginning. But as time goes on, I find that not only are there thousands, even MILLIONS of other men going through this…but that ALL OF OUR STORIES are eerily similar.

This blog is for the single dads out there, that have tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, AND TRIED. This is also for the friends and families of these dads, who want to help but don’t know how. And finally, this blog is also for the single mothers who have the same “asshole” problems that we do. We are ALL in this together.

Follow me on Twitter and Facebook. Comment on this blog– share your stories, ask me questions. I am also working on a podcast and a YouTube channel where I would like to interview legal and psychological professionals and anyone else that has any insight into the issues surrounding Parental Alienation.

I had discovered that this is a very controversial issue. Some believe in Parental Alienation, others do not. This will be a place where all of these things will be discussed– not clinically…but with humanity. This will be a place where WE can figure this out together.

We will do this because we love our children…and NO ONE is going to get in the way of that.

You’ve been put on notice, “Shitty” ones…

…now let’s get our kids back!

TO BE CONTINUED.

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5 thoughts on “About US

  1. Thanks for including the Single Mom Shitty Dad category, because yes Parental Alienation does in fact happen to mothers as well, and perhaps more often than you think. PA is an abuse of children, and the gender of the perpetrator is irrelevant. After reading some of your posts I do enjoy your ‘colourful’ descriptions and willingness to not hold back any punches. For you, Single Dad Shitty Mom is more than appropriate title to the blog.

    In reading of your impending court case and expectation that because you are telling the truth you will be the victor, I feel a bit of uneasiness. Not that I don’t believe you are attempting to tell the truth, but that courts have a nasty way of ignoring evidence, dismissing arguments, and getting so buried in a mountain of BS by the alienator that they can only deal with a small fraction of it. I want you to maintain your confidence, but don’t let it lose your sight of the big picture. Proving her allegations against you are wrong is important, but proving yourself to be the parent most likely to ensure a loving relationship with BOTH parents is important too.

    I speak from many years of experience with this. Unfortunately it was many years ago when courts were much less aware of PA / PAS, and the alienation was so far underway before I realized what was happening that it was too late. You have the awareness of the courts on your side, as well as your own awareness of the situation on your side. Keep writing and talking, and we’ll increase awareness of PA in society. Then there will be real changes in the likelihood of parents getting away with alienation.

    I’m cheering for you, and hope you are able to succeed in protecting your child from this ‘crazy’ life.

    • Hello– I just wanted to thank you for your comment. I’ve actually based my latest blog post on your comment. I had been wanting to write an entry for Moms, but I hadn’t quite figured out how I was going to do it. If you read the post, you’ll see how it took me just writing it out to help solve the problem, and I owe a bit of thanks to you in that regard!

      I agree with what you said in regards to presenting evidence for a case. I’ve actually worked at making the most succinct case I can without getting the room bogged down with a lot of excessive details. There is a history, much of it is on record, so there will be little need to flood the court with dozens of stories. I was totally unaware of the “parental alienation” language until recently, and knowing it now helps to get even closer to the heart of the matter, without having to explain too much.

      I am very sorry to hear of your experiences. This is all so needless and ridiculous, and unfortunately the disfunctions of others corrupt the calm and make for such horrible difficulties for the kids. I believe THAT is what Parental Alienation Syndrome is– it’s not a condition of the child, it’s the condition of the ADULT- a mindset they’ve established to manipulate the child(ren) for their own means. It’s heart breaking, cruel, and unnecessary. But we have to get through it– we have no choice.

      Good luck to you, and thank you again for your kind words.

  2. Hello! I’m Liz and I live in Alaska (born and raised in Maryland 🙂 ). I am the wife of a non-custodial father, and hun, I HAVE STORIES. A decade’s worth. If you ever need comfort, advice, an open ear, I am more than willing to listen and talk– especially with your fiancèe, if she would like to.

    Parental Alienation is VERY REAL. I am a new follower of yours and you are not alone. I could give you lots and lots of sage advice right off the bat, but I don’t want to scare you off!

    Hang in there; I promise you– In the long run, it gets much, much better.

    • Hi Liz–

      THANK YOU very much for posting your comments. I always appreciate good insight and “sage advice”– as I know we all do, in this situation. It’s never the milage of the journey that gets to me…because I know that the destination will be that famed “promised land”, to borrow a phrase from a great man.

    • By the way, I would really love to hear some of your stories, as I’m sure many people would! I think it’s helpful for people going through this to know that they are not alone. We will DEFINITELY keep in touch. Thank you, Liz!

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