In my initial researching of the Parental Alienation issue, I’ve discovered that as recently as September 2012, a decision had been made by the American Psychiatric Association that “Parental Alienation Syndrome” is not to be classified as as mental disorder. It turns out that there had been an enormous amount of lobbying to make this happen, but to no avail. Now, I have ZERO background in psychology, but I can’t say that I would consider Parental Alienation to be a “mental disorder”.
To me, a mental disorder would be something that you were either born with, or obtained in an accident of some kind, that is either damn near insurmountable, or controlled with tons of therapy and medication. Parental alienation is nothing more, to me, than casual and gradual brainwashing. To me, parental alienation is something that can not only be prevented, but can be tackled and defeated. Sure, therapy would be required, but I believe it would be temporary.
As far as I’m concerned, the APA refuting DSM status for PAS is no BFD. It doesn’t at all take away from the fact that this situation is still occurring. What is bothering me are the proponents of PAS, not only against APA recognition, but as a way of attacking fathers who are dealing with this. The absolute WORST opinion in the matter comes from NOW.
NOW makes horrible allegations, like PAS is a way for dads to get out of paying child support, or that it’s a way for fathers to escape child sexual abuse allegations. It is the grand assumption that all men are ANIMALS, and it’s the women and the children that need to be protected from these horrid manipulative BASTARDS! Let me tell you something…men who harm or disrespect women and their children are dirtbags. PERIOD. These men are cretins who are emotionally unbalanced, violent cowards. YES. THEY. ARE. To assume that ALL MEN are THOSE MEN is a foolish mistake, and just flat out wrong.
There are MILLIONS of men out there that are NOT trying to get out of paying child support. MILLIONS of us who NEVER lay a HURTFUL HAND on a woman OR a child– never even crosses our minds! HOWEVER…there are those of us who were in bad relationships, who wanted out because it just didn’t work anymore, or never did at all. Those relationships bore children, whom we love and cherish, and DESPERATELY want in our lives! We TRIED to be respectful, tried to be patient, through all the yelling and the screaming, the threatening of visitation, the jealousy, the spite, the bile, the bitterness, no matter HOW HARD YOU TRIED…she still got worse, and worse, and worse, until one day…out of nowhere…the kid starts acting strange. He/she cries when you see them. They don’t want to go with you. There mother shrugs, saying “I don’t know what’s wrong…!”
…and it only gets worse from there.
Another stupid debate against PAS is that it will now be a niché market for lawyers and “special advisors” to make money. That to me is just a stupid thing to say. So people make money– does it mean that it’s not a legitimate issue? Does some lawyer making more money mean that the other parent is NOT REALLY taking our time away from our kids? One of the lawyers I spoke to in the last few months told me that “a lot of mothers are losing their kids.” He cited alienation as one of the reasons. Look– I doubt that there are many judges out there that rule based on trends and fads. Maybe I am naive to think that way…but in my experience, judges don’t have time for bullshit. They are going to come down on a person that they feel is not being totally honest. They are going to come down on an attorney that brings a bullshit story with no clarification into their court room. Women lose their kids when they are BAD MOTHERS– NOT because lawyers and advisors are making more money!
You’re a custodial parent. It is your responsibility to nurture a caring, loving relationship with your child AND THE OTHER PARENT. That is YOUR JOB– the ONE THING that is required of you by the courts. If you cannot, or more to the point WILL NOT, do that…YOU ARE IN TROUBLE. You’re going to have to prove in court, in front of a judge and 2-3 lawyers in the room (opposing lawyer, child’s lawyer, etc) that you had RATIONALE to keep your child away from your ex. When you cannot for any reason that is not acceptable by the court…that’s a problem for you. That will, more-than-likely, result in proving parental alienation. That’s not a lawyer trying to make money, or a dad beating his kids.
If anything, Parental Alienation Syndrome is a disorder of the parent, not the child. What is the mindset of a person that is so filled with hatred that they use their own child to push their agenda? It’s horrible and confusing, especially when you KNOW you aren’t doing anything wrong. They build this fantasy world around them so they can easily manipulate the child and ANYONE ELSE dealing with the child; friends, family, police, lawyers, etc. The key in dealing this problem is IDENTIFYING IT. When you know your enemy, they’re easier to defeat.
It’s not enough to say “she’s CRAZY!”
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TO BE CONTINUED