Single Dad, Shitty Mom

Or: How I Learned that Parental Alienation is REAL

The Here and Now #7: With Prejudice

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After MONTHS of waiting, the first round of court cases has FINALLY been settled! And the results were just as I suspected: JUSTICE has been served, and it is good!

As of today, both of the matters that had be brought against me, regarding a money-grab AND a bogus Order of Protection, have been settled and resolved without a trial. I signed the agreement last week, which I then delivered to “the plaintiff’s” lawyer, for her to sign; reluctantly…for her. Both cases were bogus from the start.

Granted, I DO owe her a little bit of money– that is the truth. It wasn’t for a lack of desire to pay it. My biggest issue was the fact that I did not trust her math, and wanted documentation to back up her demands– which she flat out refused to provide…until I was served with a petition to go to court.

The thing is, 70% of what she was asking for she was not entitled to, and was IMMEDIATELY shot down by the judge. We had a previous financial agreement, but for SOME reason she chose to ignore the simple facts expressed in it: that I was ONLY responsible for child care and medical costs.

Not only did not confer with me on these issues, she was hell bent on overspending on things that she (or I, for that matter) could NOT afford! It was HER decision to send Maya to a private school– not mine…because WE CAN’T AFFORD IT! On top of that, the judge made it clear that “private school is not ‘child care'”…therefore, I am not responsible.

I wanted to get my daughter music lessons– she has a true proclivity for music, particularly the drums. “Crazy”, instead, wanted things like dance class and other extra curriculars that, for one did NOT speak to her talents…AND cut into my visitation time– she flat out refused skipping these things, and threatened to keep Maya from visiting me if I refused to take her.

She also claimed that I owed her for 6 years of child care, even though 5.5 of those years was under her grandparent’s care. When the judge asked her if she had documentation to prove this, she lied to him IN COURT telling him that she DID! When it turned out that she could not prove her claim (lies usually do that), her claim was rendered moot.

Finally, she claimed that I owed nearly $10,000 for two years worth of summer camp. She naturally found the most expensive camps in her area, and hadn’t told me that she was doing this. Keep in mind that “Crazy” has NEVER allowed my daughter to stay with me for longer than 2 nights; in 7 years, I have NEVER had more time with my daughter than that. Because her recent alienation behavior began last summer, and because “crazy” has NEVER allowed Maya to spend summers with me…I was not responsible for last year’s $5,000 camp costs. As for this year, “crazy’s” lawyer asked me to find another camp that was cheaper that the current camp…which my fiancé was able to find after 3 minutes on the internet…$3,000 cheaper. So I am only responsible for paying 65% of $2,000, which “crazy” has to pay the remaining balance.

So, I owe for this year’s summer camp (which I paid for when I signed the new agreement),  and the previous 1.5 years of child care I can pay in monthly installments over the next 12 months. That’s fair; to me. “Crazy,” on the other hand, is NOT happy. She was expecting a HUGE payday. But that’s her– building up a fantasy world in her own head that, when reality crashes down, she blames EVERYONE ELSE for her failures. But these financial issues were of no concern to me. The thing that I was REALLY interesting in dealing with was this RIDICULOUS Order of Protection that she wanted to have enforced. But that didn’t happen.

As part of the deal, she had to agree to withdraw the Order of Protection with prejudice:

“…dismissal with prejudice, in which the plaintiff is barred from filing another case on the same claim. Dismissal with prejudice is a final judgment and the case becomes res judicataon the claims that were or could have been brought in it…”

In other words, once this Order is withdrawn, she can NO LONGER make this an issue in any court case at any other time:

“This signifies that the court has made an adjudication on the merits of the case and a final disposition, barring the plaintiff from bringing a new lawsuit based on the same subject. If a new lawsuit is brought, a defendant can properly invoke res judicata as a defense, because a court will not relitigate a matter that has been fully heard before. Often a court will enter a judgment with prejudice if the plaintiff has shown bad faith, misled the court, or persisted in filing frivolous lawsuits.”

According to my lawyer, this was the issue that she was the MOST resistant to comply with. And I can understand that– it’s something that, if she was successful in enforcing, could have jeopardized my visitation with Maya. That was her goal, after all– to corner me and make it so she could legally have TOTAL CONTROL over access to my daughter, via “supervised visitation”, for example. The thing is, not only was I TOTALLY prepared to go to trial on this bogus claim, but I had plenty of written (texts) and video evidence to debunk her claims. Not only did she file this order, but she had a social worker AND Maya’s lawyer buying into her narrative– which I didn’t fully understand, because neither had MY SIDE of the story, OR the evidence that disproved it; granted, that would have been presented during a trial. She told these people that Maya was HORRIFIED of me…which, of course, was a lie.

Bottom line is, her lawyer had to convince her that she really had no case. If she had decided to go through with it, she would have had to go on the stand and endure questioning from my lawyer. She had NO CHANCE of being successful. On top of that, she is not in any position to afford a long trial. I had to pull miracles and call in favors to get my lawyer. “Crazy” was running out of options and support. So…she conceded, and signed the agreement.

All this bullshit. ALL THIS BULLSHIT. For what!? I still don’t know. I’m not a shrink, and can’t really analyze the reasons why “crazy” is so…crazy. And frankly, I don’t care. The ONLY thing I care about is my daughter. PERIOD. On top of that, this is by NO MEANS the end of it. I am working on the NEXT court case right now– the nitty-gritty of this horrible situation; the issue of Parental Alienation. THAT is where my energy and attention are focused on. Over the next few months, we will be moving into that phase.

I’ve been telling “crazy” for YEARS that she would not get away with her behavior– that she would, eventually, be accountable for her actions; for ONCE. She doesn’t believe me. That’s no surprise– her parents have told me that they regret NOT raising her to be accountable for her horrible behavior. And to this day, even after settling these current legal issues, even after TWO POSITIVE visits with my daughter…she has NOT budged. I’m willing to bet you that when she gets the alienation deposition in the mail, she’s going to try to alter her behavior. Too little, too late.




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