Single Dad, Shitty Mom

Or: How I Learned that Parental Alienation is REAL

Father’s Day 2013

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It’s been almost a year since these two have seen each other. Kids change and grow so quickly; it’s sad to miss those things with your kids. It feels horrible to miss those things as a parent. I missed my daughter’s first steps. I missed her first word. I missed her first pee-pee on the potty. However, I gave Maya her first bottle. I changed her first diaper. I bought her first popcorn for her first movie theater experience. And I gave my little girl her first car trip in the front passenger seat when I drove her back home on Father’s Day.

If you read the previous post, I wasn’t really 100% sure that I was going to see Maya for Father’s Day this year. I saw her last year at this time, and four months later would be the last I’d see her again for MONTHS.

This Father’s Day was the first time Maya’s been in our home in 8 months. Thankfully Ravi is too young and won’t really remember what’s transpired over the last several months, but for Maya it’s different. She’s 7 years old, and a slave to her mother’s whims. “Crazy” does not put her daughter first– “Crazy” puts “Crazy” first; that’s a fact. It shows.

Now, the thing that you have to realize about this situation is the reason why Maya has not come to my home in nearly a year. She didn’t come because she was “afraid.” Of what, you may ask? Don’t know– that’s what her mother tells everyone. “Maya does NOT what to go to his house! I don’t know why!” Now, ask her what she has been doing to help rectify this issue. Hear those crickets? That’s right– “Crazy” has done NOTHING. Not only has she allowed this to go on– with NO valid or truthful explanation…she has perpetuated the issue beyond what any SANE asshole would deem necessary. She has invented a fantasy world, where I am this tyrannical, angry, miserly monster that abandoned her and her daughter, and continues to harass and threaten her…!!!…but with the help of (INSERT DUDE HERE), she will soon have the life she always wanted…! Hence the name “Crazy.”

According to “Crazy,” up until Sunday morning, Maya would cry at the mere MENTION of going home with me. For 8 MONTHS STRAIGHT, getting into Daddy’s car was tantamount to taking a cattle car to Auschwitz. But on this Sunday morning…NOTHING. She got right into the car happily! No argument, no crying, no screaming, NONE OF THAT. It was like it had NEVER been an issue.

To be honest, I was expecting the worse. I expected it, because THAT WAS THE PATTERN. Eleven months ago is when all this lunacy started. I would go to pick up Maya, then OUT OF NOWHERE she just started crying and screaming and acting as if she didn’t want to go with me. This continued for THREE MONTHS, with “Crazy” doing absolutely nothing about it, except telling Maya “Well, if you don’t want to go, then that’s it. I won’t force you to go.” When questioned about the behavior, “Crazy” made every claim in the book: “She’s just rebelling,” to “She’s just unusually attached to me,” to “Maybe it’s something YOU did!”

 

My mom drove me to “Crazy’s” parents house to pick up Maya; that was a neutral place where I KNEW things would run smoothly. The thing is, “Crazy’s” parents love Maya…but they don’t like their daughter too much; it’s a sad shame. They are very supportive, and were very excited when Maya was willing to get in the car with us. The thing is, I have a horrible feeling that I know why Maya was “suddenly” interested in going.

Through little bits of information, provided my Maya and her grandmother, I think what happened was this: “Crazy’s” back is up against the wall– she’s in trouble…and she panicked. Faced with the VERY REAL prospect of losing custody of Maya, she screamed and yelled at Maya to…(wait for it)…FORCE her to come to Nyack. When I first saw Maya, she jumped into my arms, I picked her up, gave her a kiss– all the usual stuff. And, you know,  you just LOOK at your kids. Even if you seen them EVERY SECOND of EVERY DAY, you LOOK at them– look at their faces, their hands, their feet…when I looked at Maya’s face, I saw that she had what looked like a small rash below the corner of her right eye. I asked her where she got that from. She said that it was because she was rubbing her eye really hard the night before, because she was crying. I asked her what she was crying about, she said her mommy was yelling and kept using the F-word…”about you, about everything,” she said.

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Nothing but bitterness and anger. For someone who has made mention of “healing” the relationship between Maya and myself, she sure doesn’t seem all that supportive. Because…SHE’S NOT. I had to send a letter written by my attorney, which outlined the beginnings of challenging her custody if ANYTHING went wrong this weekend– it took THAT for her to FORCE the right thing to happen.

Basically, she created a monster that she DID NOT want to control…until it got her into trouble. Now that she was (and, as far as I’m concerned, still is…) facing the prospect of losing custody of Maya, NOW she wants to break a habit that she enabled in my daughter! NOW, she wants to tell her– after MONTHS of saying the EXACT OPPOSITE– now, you HAVE to go to see your dad! Forget EVERYTHING I’ve been saying to you– NOW YOU HAVE TO GO!!!! And “Crazy” yelled, and she cursed. It’s so easy to bully a kid when you’re a sniveling coward.

The thing that I feel shitty about is the fact that Maya is still there, with that woman. When Maya is with us, she is calm and relaxed. She has a GREAT time with us because, among many other reasons, we are the most STABLE people in her life. “Crazy” is not good for Maya– not by a inch, not by a mile.  She is emotionally incapable of being a good custodial parent. Having Maya with us on Father’s Day showed me, once again, that I have to get my little girl away from her mother.

When I pulled up to Maya’s grandparent’s house at the end of our day, I reminded her about the time we went to breakfast a couple of months ago, when I told her that I would take care of this situation. I told her that this would not happen again– I did not want this much time to go by without seeing her. I told her that soon enough, things will not be what they used to be– they will be BETTER. I told her that we will be spending a lot more time together.

“More weekends?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said.

“Three weekends?” she asked.

“Yes, three weekends…or more,”

“Every weekend?”

“Yes, honey,” I said. “That’s what I want.”

“Okay, good.” she said.

I don’t have to disparage “Crazy” in front of Maya. I don’t have to, and I won’t. “Crazy” is doing MORE than enough to show what kind of person she is. They say that actions speak louder than words. To know “Crazy’s” words are to know the true definition of rambling, mindless, angry, bitter, vitriolic babble. Her words mean NOTHING. Her actions…well, there’s enough to write a couple of books. I think the first one should be: “How NOT to Be a Good Mother.”

For the previous week, in the back of my mind, I was expecting the absolute worse situation possible this weekend. It’s what I have always been used to thinking in these situations. And even though I was extremely pessimistic…I am always, almost annoyingly, optimistic. After all the bullshit, I STILL try. I haven’t given up, and I REFUSE to give up. There is no FUCKING WAY that I’m going to let that person pull my daughter away from me. No matter what she does, no matter what roadblocks “Crazy” wants to put in my way, I will plow right through them. It’s been 5 years since I brought her to court for a previous alienation issue. It’s taken me 2 years to get a lawyer to deal with it. “Crazy” acts as if this has all come out of nowhere. And that is one of her biggest problems.

In the end, after a pretty depressing and someone anxious week…I had a great Father’s Day. The kids where happy. Mom was happy. Christina was WONDERFUL. And Maya’s grandparents where supportive and good.

The first step in a journey for redemption, peace, and love…

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

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One thought on “Father’s Day 2013

  1. Great read Charles and a great writing style. Hope ‘To Be Continued’ has a similar positive vain about it.

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