Single Dad, Shitty Mom

Or: How I Learned that Parental Alienation is REAL


Leave a comment

Single Mom, Shitty Dad #1: We’re All In this Together

The name that I’ve attached to this blog is direct and to-the-point. It’s as sincere and “kind” as I can be, considering the horrid state this on-going, nearly decade-long situation. The title of this blog represents an expurgated culmination of my experience with raising a lovely young girl with a not-so-lovely person. And yes, it is a very provocative title, meant to incite some serious discussion about the seldom-addressed issue of Parental Alienation. Since I’m a male, my narrative tends to be slanted towards dads. However, this is CLEARLY a situation that happens with moms as well. As a matter of fact, the only other two people in my life that are dealing with PAS issues are both women– moms having to deal with an oppressive, manipulative, childish, emotionally corrupt ex; the fathers of their children. I also know a couple of women that are dealing with men who not only participate in this abusive behaviour, they also pay no child support.

It’s horrible– the things that some women suffer through with these men. I hear horrible stories like this all the time. And I can relate to ALL OF THEM. Even though the genders in my situation are opposite, we are both dealing with the same type of behavior. We are the “target parents.” We are the dumping grounds for all of their insecurities, their pain, their self-pity and misery– so  much so, that they use our children…our one “weakness”…to get back at us. I am minimizing things, of course– but that’s the point, isn’t it? Overall, it’s childish, toxic, and destructive behavior which is causing them to act out against their child’s best interests. It’s sickening. It’s maddening.

I KNOW there are shitty men out there. Hell, I know I’m being accused of BEING one of these shitty men! The main difference is that a sociopath always thinks their right. But ask them the right questions, and watch the shit-show. Sure, ANYONE can make claims, hurl accusations, tell half-truths…and hey, some of these people can even put on a good show– Oscar-winning performances! You know what beats all of that? A cold, analytical mindset. A stern adherence to the facts, and an steady line of questioning can EASILY dismantle all bullshit. EVERY TIME I have had my ex in court, it’s turned out the same way: I tell the truth, she fumbles and face-plants over her misinformation and lies. EVER TIME. It’s what we all should do. It’s what a good lawyer does– a GOOD lawyer will listen to you, then play “devil’s advocate” to try to break through any hyperbole or plain BS. And that is something that WE ALL need to be good at.

The reason that I wanted to write this post is because I got a very nice comment note from reader PA Spirituality, a fellow target-parent, and mom. She thanked me for including a “Single Mom, Shitty Dad” thread on this blog.  Even though this thread does exist, I have to admit that I wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to write for this section. One of the things that I eventually want to to do here is include an audio podcast featuring advise and interviews with parents willing to discuss their experiences. As I mentioned before, I know quite a few women dealing with these situations, so I knew I would interview them. But when it came down to writing something…I was coming up blank. Not because I can’t relate, because CLEARLY I can! I guess it may just be something as simple as the fact that I am not a mom, I’m a dad. And while yes, we are BOTH parents…I believe that the individual experiences we have with our kids are entirely different. The most important experience had is that of giving birth to a child. That is a special connection that mother’s have that fathers will never. This is all stating the obvious, but I guess what I am saying is that I don’t know how to speak in a relatable way to THAT experience. I honestly don’t know what sort of advice or substantive support I could offer to a mom going through this situation.

As I’m writing this, I’m thinking of a way that I could honor this section of the blog. I think the best way to present a mother’s point-of-view is to TALK to some mothers, maybe get a few of them to share their thoughts and feelings. Instead of me trying to figure out HOW to relate, I could just go right to the source! So that means that MAYBE the format of this thread will change. Maybe it’s written by a mom, or maybe I’ll transcribe an interview– SOMETHING along those lines. I feel that in order to serve this topic properly, I can merely curate, and not dictate.

I would like to open this request up to you, the readers! If you’re a mom and a target parent, or know someone going through this ordeal, and you’d like to tell story, PLEASE do so by contacting me via the form below. Of course your submissions will be anonymous.

Here’s hoping this works out!

TO BE CONTINUED…