Single Dad, Shitty Mom

Or: How I Learned that Parental Alienation is REAL


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Single Mom, Shitty Dad #1: We’re All In this Together

The name that I’ve attached to this blog is direct and to-the-point. It’s as sincere and “kind” as I can be, considering the horrid state this on-going, nearly decade-long situation. The title of this blog represents an expurgated culmination of my experience with raising a lovely young girl with a not-so-lovely person. And yes, it is a very provocative title, meant to incite some serious discussion about the seldom-addressed issue of Parental Alienation. Since I’m a male, my narrative tends to be slanted towards dads. However, this is CLEARLY a situation that happens with moms as well. As a matter of fact, the only other two people in my life that are dealing with PAS issues are both women– moms having to deal with an oppressive, manipulative, childish, emotionally corrupt ex; the fathers of their children. I also know a couple of women that are dealing with men who not only participate in this abusive behaviour, they also pay no child support.

It’s horrible– the things that some women suffer through with these men. I hear horrible stories like this all the time. And I can relate to ALL OF THEM. Even though the genders in my situation are opposite, we are both dealing with the same type of behavior. We are the “target parents.” We are the dumping grounds for all of their insecurities, their pain, their self-pity and misery– so  much so, that they use our children…our one “weakness”…to get back at us. I am minimizing things, of course– but that’s the point, isn’t it? Overall, it’s childish, toxic, and destructive behavior which is causing them to act out against their child’s best interests. It’s sickening. It’s maddening.

I KNOW there are shitty men out there. Hell, I know I’m being accused of BEING one of these shitty men! The main difference is that a sociopath always thinks their right. But ask them the right questions, and watch the shit-show. Sure, ANYONE can make claims, hurl accusations, tell half-truths…and hey, some of these people can even put on a good show– Oscar-winning performances! You know what beats all of that? A cold, analytical mindset. A stern adherence to the facts, and an steady line of questioning can EASILY dismantle all bullshit. EVERY TIME I have had my ex in court, it’s turned out the same way: I tell the truth, she fumbles and face-plants over her misinformation and lies. EVER TIME. It’s what we all should do. It’s what a good lawyer does– a GOOD lawyer will listen to you, then play “devil’s advocate” to try to break through any hyperbole or plain BS. And that is something that WE ALL need to be good at.

The reason that I wanted to write this post is because I got a very nice comment note from reader PA Spirituality, a fellow target-parent, and mom. She thanked me for including a “Single Mom, Shitty Dad” thread on this blog.  Even though this thread does exist, I have to admit that I wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to write for this section. One of the things that I eventually want to to do here is include an audio podcast featuring advise and interviews with parents willing to discuss their experiences. As I mentioned before, I know quite a few women dealing with these situations, so I knew I would interview them. But when it came down to writing something…I was coming up blank. Not because I can’t relate, because CLEARLY I can! I guess it may just be something as simple as the fact that I am not a mom, I’m a dad. And while yes, we are BOTH parents…I believe that the individual experiences we have with our kids are entirely different. The most important experience had is that of giving birth to a child. That is a special connection that mother’s have that fathers will never. This is all stating the obvious, but I guess what I am saying is that I don’t know how to speak in a relatable way to THAT experience. I honestly don’t know what sort of advice or substantive support I could offer to a mom going through this situation.

As I’m writing this, I’m thinking of a way that I could honor this section of the blog. I think the best way to present a mother’s point-of-view is to TALK to some mothers, maybe get a few of them to share their thoughts and feelings. Instead of me trying to figure out HOW to relate, I could just go right to the source! So that means that MAYBE the format of this thread will change. Maybe it’s written by a mom, or maybe I’ll transcribe an interview– SOMETHING along those lines. I feel that in order to serve this topic properly, I can merely curate, and not dictate.

I would like to open this request up to you, the readers! If you’re a mom and a target parent, or know someone going through this ordeal, and you’d like to tell story, PLEASE do so by contacting me via the form below. Of course your submissions will be anonymous.

Here’s hoping this works out!

TO BE CONTINUED…


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About US

As of this posting, it’s been over five months since I’ve seen my daughter.

I’ve spent all this time talking to lawyers, doing research, and plotting my next moves in order to take my daughter’s mother to court to rectify this situation once and for all.

The purpose of this blog is to chronicle what will be an extremely contentious, but vital, situation in the life and times of my relationship with my daughter…and the “woman” who is trying to tear us apart; her “shitty” mother. The purpose is to build a community with other single fathers (and some of you un-shitty mothers) that have to tolerate what I have come to learn as being “Parental Alienation”. With this blog, I will share stories of the past and the present, as well as any research and information that I’ve come across in my journey for a “more perfect” relationship with my child.

Now, some of you who’ve happened upon this blog have read the title and thought “well, THAT’S just rude and counter-productive.” Well, I guarantee that the woman that I refer to as “shitty” has pretty much gone out of her way to EARN that adjective. When the only thing that you want to do is spend time with your child…and the OTHER parent does things to screw with that…well, you know what? You’d be hurt. You’d be frustrated. You’d be angry. If you were a human being, you’d be pissed. And if you are like me, you are all of those things, and FUCKING mad as HELL.

My name is Charles. I’m a multimedia artist, born in Philly, raised in Jersey, currently living in New York State. My fiancé Christina and I live in a nice home with our 2 year-old son Ravi. My daughter Maya is 7 years old, and lives on Long Island with her mother…well, I won’t use her real name here. I will, instead, use the name that my friends and family use for her: “crazy”…as in “What did ‘crazy’ do now?” or “Did you have any problems with ‘crazy’ this weekend?” As I tell this story, you will find that the name is as apt and polite as one could be.

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The common notion of divorced/separated couples with children who are in trouble is that the woman is often times painted to be the victim of the horror and terror of the father. You look anywhere, you see stories about what a jerk, what a bastard, what an ASSHOLE the father is…and the woman, the mother, who has to protect her children from this BRUTE.

What you NEVER really see or hear is the opposite side of these situations. You NEVER hear about the fathers, the men who ONLY want to be with their children…but instead are being blackmailed, maligned, disrespected, and– YES– VICTIMIZED by the woman, the mother, who for her own set of insane, irrational, obnoxious and FALSE reasons, has made it difficult to IMPOSSIBLE for these men to see their children.

The stories and information in this blog will be arranged in 4 categories:

1) Origin Story — where I will recount the history of myself and “crazy” from the humble beginnings, to the insanity of the here and now.

2) The Here & Now — means just what it says.

3) Knowledge is POWER — again, means just what it says. This is where all of my research will be discussed; videos, books, blogs, websites, conversations with lawyers, EVERYTHING we need to know to.

4) “Single MOM, Shitty DAD” — because there are some moms out there that are in the same situation.

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As you’ve probably noticed so far, the language in this blog will be “salty”, to say the least. It will be blunt, totally unexpurgated, and honest. This blog at times will convey frustration, anxiety, and yes…ANGER. I am all of these things, and more. I am SICK and TIRED of watching my little girl struggle under the influence of a self-involved, emotionally crippled, bitter and yes, SHITTY woman who claims “custodial parenthood” but acts against the best interests of our daughter. For the longest time, I thought I was alone in this– especially in the beginning. But as time goes on, I find that not only are there thousands, even MILLIONS of other men going through this…but that ALL OF OUR STORIES are eerily similar.

This blog is for the single dads out there, that have tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, AND TRIED. This is also for the friends and families of these dads, who want to help but don’t know how. And finally, this blog is also for the single mothers who have the same “asshole” problems that we do. We are ALL in this together.

Follow me on Twitter and Facebook. Comment on this blog– share your stories, ask me questions. I am also working on a podcast and a YouTube channel where I would like to interview legal and psychological professionals and anyone else that has any insight into the issues surrounding Parental Alienation.

I had discovered that this is a very controversial issue. Some believe in Parental Alienation, others do not. This will be a place where all of these things will be discussed– not clinically…but with humanity. This will be a place where WE can figure this out together.

We will do this because we love our children…and NO ONE is going to get in the way of that.

You’ve been put on notice, “Shitty” ones…

…now let’s get our kids back!

TO BE CONTINUED.