Single Dad, Shitty Mom

Or: How I Learned that Parental Alienation is REAL

Maya’s Songs: “Lollipop” by The Chordettes

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Maya has this song on her iPad Mini. She first heard the song at her most recent dance recital. Now, this is one of her favorite songs.

This is an oldie-but-goodie from the 1950’s. I remember this song making a resurgence in the 80’s on the Stand by Me soundtrack.

N-joy!

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“Minnesota Judge Has 200 Blunt Words for Divorcing Parents”

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One of my Twitter followers posted this article written by Judge Michael Haas, from 2001. THIS is the kind of thing that needs to be posted EVERYWHERE for alienators to see. THIS is pure logic and reason regarding the responsibility of parents to nurture their child, instead of using them as a tool to express their spite and toxic behavior.


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The Here and Now #4: Happy Birthday to Me

Yesterday, March 21st, was my 41st birthday. Most of the day was nice, but unremarkable; people at work were very nice, I got LOTS of Facebook birthday greetings, and my lady gave me some good stuff. The most remarkable/unremarkable thing that happened to me on my 41st birthday was that I spoke to my daughter, Maya, for nearly 30 minutes last night. It’s unremarkable because I have a great relationship with my daughter. It’s remarkable, because it was the first time I had spoken to her since October.

As I’m typing this, her mother (who is known as “crazy”) texted me to tell me how “inappropriate” my conversation was with my daughter. Her definition of “inappropriate” was me telling Maya that she should come visit me soon, and that her brother and her step-mom Christina and the rest of my family miss her, and that she needs to call more and text me, and Facetime me more. THAT was what was “inappropriate.” Oh, and she also said that I “demanded” that Maya stay on the phone, even though she told me that she had homework to do (a 7 year old doing homework at 8pm on a school night?!). Her definition of “demanded” was me saying “Come on now, honey– I haven’t talked to you in a long time! At least you can give me a few minutes– I want to see how you are!” THAT was “demanded”. Asshole…

“Crazy” had the call on speakerphone, so that she could hear everything that I said– of course.  Which is fine, because I was recording the call with my iPad, so I don’t care what she did or didn’t hear– I have NOTHING TO HIDE. This all started because “crazy” sent me a text last night to tell me that Maya wanted to wish me a Happy Birthday. I called bullshit on this because “crazy” has done NOTHING to facilitate phone conversations, visits, or ANYTHING ELSE in MONTHS! She has ONLY told me that Maya is mad at me because I “stole her toys”– which is “crazy” speak for the fact that I took on of Maya’s toys as punishment because of her behavior. THAT is theft to “crazy”, and a accusation that she was allowing Maya to believe. Or so I thought.

Anyway, I got this text from “crazy”, and I texted her back “Then she can call or Facetime me.” Much to my and Christina’s surprise, the phone rang about 5 minutes later. I answered, and was greeted with “Hi Daddy! Happy Birthday!!!” MUSIC. TO. MY. EARS. As far as I was concerned, my birthday wasn’t going to get any better than THAT moment. It did.

When Maya and I spoke on the phone, it was as if we had just seen each other last week. There was no anger in her voice, or in any of the things that she said to me. She mentioned NOTHING about the “stolen toys” that her mother complained about. Maya told me about her new Skylanders figures (it’s part of a Wii game). She told me about school, and she asked me about her brother. I told her all the new things that he was doing– his new words, his sense of humor, EVERYTHING! “He’s a whole new baby!” I said to her. We both laughed and joked and had a GREAT conversation!

You know what all of this proves? It proves that the problem is NOT with me and Maya…it’s EXCLUSIVELY with “crazy”! Now I didn’t need any proof of that, I KNOW what the situation is. But the fact that “crazy” had to text me to tell me how “inappropriate” my conversation was, and threatening me about bringing this up in court (which I HOPE she does, but she won’t), when ALL this situation does is PROVE that she is ACTING OUT OF MALICE which is ANTITHETICAL to her responsibility as the custodial parent to nurture a healthy relationship with the other parent. She tells the courts that I have anger management issues, and that Maya is afraid of me, and is mad at me…but the REALITY is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

This is what these people do, ladies and gentlemen. See, “crazy” thought that she was serving herself by having Maya call me– “This will make me look like the responsible parent! He can’t say that his daughter didn’t call him on his birthday!” The problem for “crazy” is that this plan backfired on her. She was totally expecting Maya to speak to me on the phone for a few moments, and that would be it. She did NOT expect that Maya would WANT to talk to me, and laugh with me…and then Maya invited me to her communion! THAT was something that I KNOW that “crazy” was not expecting! “Crazy” shot herself in the foot by putting her own argument against me into doubt. One only needs to hear the conversation between Maya and I to see that there is no love lost between the two of us.

I’ve said it before, and I will continue to say it: crazy is sloppy. That’s crazy without quotes– meaning that people that act this way will ALWAYS screw up. And you need to be on your toes to capture it. As soon as Maya spoke, I jumped up from the sofa, grabbed my iPad, and started recording. The idiotic text message that “crazy” sent me will go into the archives as evidence. THESE ARE THE THINGS WE ALL HAVE TO DO!!! I’ve also said this before, YOU ARE BATMAN! You have to be the detective that gathers information and builds the case, AND you have to be the hero to save your kids from the toxic, immature, obnoxious, sloppy, and moronic behavior of the alienators. I know it’s a lot of work– the LAST thing I wanted to do was try to scramble to record this phone conversation with my daughter, but I HAD NO CHOICE. “Crazy” is the one that created this situation, and is continuing to perpetuate it, even when her own plan blew up in her face! This fuck-up on her part won’t stop her from continuing to act out. This WON’T stop until we get into court. Actually, it WILL start to stop once she gets the summons in the mail about her alienating behavior. I can predict it now– if she doesn’t make a beligerent call (she knows I record them), she will send nasty text messages (which I will keep, of course), which will THEN lead to her FINALLY getting Maya back to visiting me. But by then it will be too late…on top of the fact that the court will notice that and ask her “Why now?” The best part is that “crazy” FALLS APART in front of a judge, so…bullshit only gets you so far.

So Happy Birthday to Me!! I had a great conversation with my little girl, which in turn made “crazy” look A LOT WORSE! Sure, the later is a bit petty…but fuck it. I’m at war. WE’RE ALL at war, with these horrible, shitty people! You don’t win wars with empathy. We must be ruthless and undeniable. ANY dirtbag that fucks with our kids deserves nothing more than that. We didn’t start this…but we WILL finish this…because, we have no choice.

TO BE CONTINUED…