Single Dad, Shitty Mom

Or: How I Learned that Parental Alienation is REAL

“Minnesota Judge Has 200 Blunt Words for Divorcing Parents”

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One of my Twitter followers posted this article written by Judge Michael Haas, from 2001. THIS is the kind of thing that needs to be posted EVERYWHERE for alienators to see. THIS is pure logic and reason regarding the responsibility of parents to nurture their child, instead of using them as a tool to express their spite and toxic behavior.


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The Here and Now #6: Holy Communion

 

The first time I spoke to my daughter Maya in 2013 was on my birthday. Her mother was put into a position where she HAD to have Maya call me, which she did. We spoke for nearly 30 minutes, had a WONDERFUL conversation– so far removed from the BS narrative that her mother “crazy” is constantly spinning (about how Maya is SCARED of me and such). One of things Maya had mentioned to me was her Communion, which she explained would be on the 27th of April…and she asked me HERSELF if I could come. The answer, simply enough, was OF COURSE I could! The problem with that…”crazy” had NO INTENTION of inviting me.

“… Interference with the non-custodial parent and child’s relationship is an act so inconsistent with the best interests of a child, as to, per se, raise a strong probability that the offending party is unfit to act as a custodial parent.”

That is an excerpt from an article I read last week, involving a ruling by a judge condemning the actions of a woman who was purposefully alienating her children from their father. That one line speaks VOLUMES to the thousands of alienation cases worldwide. It’s also a line that is THOROUGHLY relatable to my situation.

“Crazy” is FURIOUS with me right now– more so than at ANY other time. Her problem is that she has suffered a sizable blow in Family Court recently. For the last several months, in spite of everything going on with Maya, she has decided to try to fleece me for money, IN ADDITION to filing a bogus Order of Protection charge against me. Both cases have not gone according to her plan; which was not surprising for everyone else, but her. The OP has been withdrawn, and over 80% of the moneys that she requested (I’d say demanded) were stricken. The fact that I hired a lawyer to handle this (and the following custody hearings– more on that in a moment), the fact that my mother, my fiancé, and “CRAZY’S” FAMILY AND FRIENDS are in concert for believing that “crazy’s” behavior is the problem…the WORLD IS AGAINST HER. That’s where her mindset is right now. It’s not the fact that her behavior, her emotional instability, her piss-poor custodial parenting skills, her fiscal irresponsibility– it’s NONE OF THESE THINGS that are to blame. According to “crazy”, EVERYONE (except Maya) is OUT TO PUNISH HER. The ironic thing is, though…she’s kinda right. But not in the way SHE thinks.

“Parental alienation” is the practice of mentally manipulating or bullying your own children with the express goal of damaging their relationship with their other parent. Both parental alienation and its related practice, “hostile aggressive parenting,” deprive children of the stable and loving relationships they need when coping with divorce (and life in general).

The communion itself was very nice– I’m not a religious person, and if I had my way I wouldn’t bother with this stuff…but it’s what Maya’s mother decided, and “crazy” has absolutely no interest in entertaining my point of view. Which has led to one of her financial issues– she was determined to send Maya to Catholic school…but had no answer with regards to how she had thought we would be paying for that. “Crazy” didn’t care. And I told her that I was in no way, shape, or form paying for private school– there were PLENTY of good public schools that she could go to. This is one of the issues the judge threw out– immediately. He said that I was in no way, shape, or form responsible for paying for private school. “Crazy,” and her lawyer, were NOT pleased. But I digress…

The communion was nice– Maya was BEAUTIFUL, as always…! The picture at the top of this post was afterwards; that was the ONLY time I had with her. And not because Maya’s family and friends didn’t want me, and my mother, there (Mom came with me– my lawyer recommended NOT going alone). All of the ire, the stress, the anxiety was ALL because of “crazy”.

My mom and I had a brief conversation with “crazy’s” mom before we left. That’s when she told us that “crazy” had not only not intended to invite me to the communion, we WERE NOT invited back to the house afterwards. But it wasn’t said like that– “crazy’s” mother said the following: “I tried to get her to change the guest list– this was a month ago, and…she just wouldn’t listen.” Yeah, no shit.

I felt REALLY BAD for my mother, though. See, we’re not used to this passive-aggressive, dysfunctional garbage. And mom, to her credit, tried to keep it together– up until we got to the church. It was when she read the church program that she went nuts. On the back of the program, they listed all the kids that were participating in the ceremony. About 40 kids. Among them was Maya. The problem was that Maya’s name is typically hyphenated with my last name and “crazy’s” last name. On the program, only “crazy’s” last name showed up. Now, this did NOT bother me– I just figured that they didn’t have enough room to fit her full name. My mother, on the other hand, didn’t buy that. Look, “crazy” is as petty as they come, but I know her well enough to know that she wouldn’t have gone out of her way to try to force the committee that put the program together to drop Maya’s paternal last name. Besides that, Maya’s full name is on the records throughout that school, so I wasn’t worried. Mom was so furious that she confronted “crazy” about it before we left. Now mind you…”crazy” had GONE OUT OF HER WAY to avoid getting ANYWHERE NEAR my mother OR me.

She steered FAR AWAY from us for almost the ENTIRE TIME. Which was fine, because it gave EVERYONE even more opportunity to see how “crazy” works. Believe me, her behavior DID NOT go unnoticed by family, friends, and friends of friends. No one wanted to really “get into it”, which was fine– the mantra of that communion was “This is Maya’s day.” That’s what everyone kept saying. In reality, though…it wasn’t Maya’s day…it was “The ‘Crazy’ Show!” because EVERYONE was acting in a way to NOT draw “crazy’s” ire!

Oh, the egg-shelll walking and the pins-and-needles, the stress and anxiety was SO BLOODY PRESENT outside of that church you’d think Jesus HIMSELF was about to get his dad to bear judgement on that group! ALL that energy, all that angst…for WHAT?! That’s right…ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Maya was very happy to see me and mom. She gave me a big hug, and we gave her some presents, and took some pictures and video and stuff. We even posed for what could be the most AWKWARD family photo EVER! It was the grandmothers, Maya, me…AND “crazy” herself! I’ll tell you– I’d just LOVE to have a copy of that picture JUST for the story alone!

Signs of Parental Alienation
  • Children perceive one parent as causing financial problems for the other parent.

  • Children have knowledge of the divorce details or legal procedures.

  • Children show a sudden hostile, negative change in attitude toward target parent.

  • Children are not delivered for court-ordered visitation and/or are not allowed to “choose” to visit the target parent.

  • False allegations of abuse are made against the target parent.

  • Children are asked to choose one parent over the other.

  • Anger and negativity toward target parent is reinforced.

  • Children are given the impression that if they have a good time with the target parent during a visit, it will hurt them.

  • Children are asked about the target parent’s personal life.

  • Children are “rescued” from the target parent when there is no danger.

That’s the list right there. Go down that list, check off as many as you can. I can attest to all but  one of them– namely discussions of legal matters with the child. It puts a knot in my stomach to see my daughter in this situation. She’s just a little girl– and her mother in putting her in such a difficult spot! The bright side of this situation is yet another affirmation of allies behind enemy lines, so to speak. It’s knowing that the people in Maya’s life understand that “crazy” is a BIG PROBLEM in keeping Maya from having a relationship with me. So many of them were saying “I am SO GLAD you’re here!!” As if they had NO IDEA that I would be. But hey– when your Minister of Information is insane, you’d be surprised by new information as well! That’s one thing to take away from all of this– NOT EVERYONE is convinced by the alienator. Let me repeat that– NOT EVERYONE IS CONVINCED BY THE ALIENATOR. Sure, they have an EASY time lying to a child…but it’s not as easy to convince adults!

And, of course, I recorded all the interactions. Basically, I used my iPhone’s voice recorder app, and put the phone in my shirt pocket with the mic side sticking up. Great thing about that app is that it runs while the phone is in standby mode, so you don’t have to worry about the app switching off or another app opening…you can have the screen be blank without drawing any suspicions. Again, I know this cloak-and-dagger crap seems a bit shitty and ridiculous…but it’s REALLY NOT. I had to get into a habit of making this happen, EVEN WHEN I DIDN’T FEEL LIKE IT. Having to sneak recordings seems a bit immoral…but you know what’s even worse? PARENTAL ALIENATION. You DON’T LET that woman (or man) LIE to your kids and everyone else, misrepresenting and slandering you, because THEY’VE got the problems/issues/disorder! Who the hell gave them the right to keep YOUR CHILDREN away from them!? NO ONE did– THEY took that right! That makes them criminals. PERIOD.

Judge Ross found Lauren Lippe in civil contempt of court and ordered her to spend every other weekend in the Nassau County Correctional Facility during June, July and August.

See? There IS hope! There ARE people in the legal system that FROWN UPON alienators! Know that, YOUR JOB is to PROVE THIS. The mindset of the alienator dictates that they will try to fight against these allegations– as is their right to do so. And they may even try to exploit gender stereotypes to make a convincing counter-argument. That’s why you need FACTS. You need to HYPERACTIVE in collecting those facts. And listen, there will come a time when your alienator discovers that you are recording them OR keeping records of interactions. GOOD. “Crazy” knows that I record phone calls– hell, I told her that 5 years ago! That knowledge has caused SOME alterations in her behavior…but like I’ve said in previous blog entries…crazy is SLOPPY. People who act this way mess up. It’s INEVITABLE. YOUR JOB is to be there when it happens, AND DOCUMENT IT. Pretend you’re filming your own reality show– CAPTURE EVERYTHING. Have friends or family accompany you, and have THEM record things!  Record interactions with your children– video mostly, if you can. You see, “crazy” can tell ANYONE IN THE WORLD that I have “anger issues”….but she forgets that a lot of the people in her life ALSO know me…! And they KNOW that I don’t have anger issues, and THEY KNOW that I love my daughter, AND THEY KNOW THAT MY DAUGHTER LOVES ME!!!!

So, the bubble is getting smaller. And “crazy” is getting sloppier. She showed her true colors at that communion. She thought that simply avoiding/snubbing my mother and I would be the best thing to do. And all that did was draw attention to her poor behavior. The people in her life noticed. Maya noticed. And therefore, “crazy” has been PUT ON NOTICE.

Before we left, “crazy’s” mother told my  mother and I that “…maybe she’ll [‘crazy’] change.” She knew DAMN WELL when she said that that “crazy” will NEVER change. That’s exactly what I said, followed by “…regardless, I’m taking care of it. Once-and-for-all.” She replied, “I hope so, for Maya’s sake.” I’m sorry, but when YOUR OWN MOTHER can’t support you…you’ve got PROBLEMS.

TO BE CONTINUED….

PS.

This is the article I referenced in this blog post: http://www.momlogic.com/2010/06/new_york_dad_and_parental_alienation.php


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The Here and Now #5: Reunited All Over Again…with Unexpected Allies

 

It finally happened– after 6 months of unnecessary idiocy, emotional immaturity, and counterproductive behavior, I FINALLY got to see my daughter Maya yesterday morning!

This is the second time in 2013 that I have had ANY interaction with my daughter– the first time being on my birthday (March 21st). We didn’t have too much time together– I had enough time to take her out for breakfast and help her plant some vegetables at her grandparent’s house…but we had a WONDERFUL time! It was a GREAT time– as it ALWAYS IS/WAS/HAS BEEN/WILL ALWAYS BE! For those who are seeing this post out of context, I’ll explain briefly:

Six months ago, Maya’s mother (known on this blog by her nickname “crazy“) created a situation that so disrupted my visitation time that I had NO TIME at all. For reasons YET to be determined, Maya– after visiting me for weekend visits for the last 5 years– started acting out whenever I picked her up. This went on for 3 months, with “crazy” only instigating Maya’s issues as opposed to working to fix them– primarily because Maya’s issues were not her own…they were her MOTHERS’. “Crazy” decided that she not only  wouldn’t help with fixing the situation, she’s decided to abdicate her custodial parental duties in favor of fostering her toxic and dysfunctional behavior.

“Crazy” told EVERYONE that would listen that Maya was “afraid” of me, that I had “anger issues”, and was threatening and harassing her and Maya– NONE of which, of course, is true…but that is her narrative. This is what alienators do– we ALL know this. They make things up. They’ll take 15-20% of the facts, then spin that into a full story/history! Ever have a cup of coffee filtered with only 3 coffee beans? That is how WEAK her narrative is– which is evident in my interactions with my daughter.

This visit would have probably never happened if it weren’t for a few circumstances in place. First off, I had my lawyer request the visit via HER lawyer. Now, I hate to say this, but it’s true…going through lawyers instead of dealing with “crazy” directly has resulted in the MOST PRODUCTIVE INTERACTIONS I’VE EVER HAD WITH “CRAZY”– in the 10 years I’ve known her! I say things to my lawyer, he passes the info on to “crazy’s” lawyer, “crazy” argues with her lawyer, her lawyer talks sense into her, her lawyer contacts my lawyer, my lawyer contacts me– BOOM. No arguing with stupidity and unchecked emotional and psychological issues— DIRECT RESULTS!

Basically, “crazy” wanted me to sign and notarize a consent form, allowing her to get a passport for Maya. She sent this to me a few weeks ago– STILL not allowing me to see my daughter (the nerve, right?!). So I suggested that I would drop off the form, then take Maya out to breakfast. “Crazy” agreed.

She happened to be out of town, or on a date, or something– so I would meet up with Maya at her grandparents– “crazy’s” parents– house. Now, for those of you in a similar situation, this is where things get tricky. These are the parents of the woman/man who has made it their mission in life to make YOUR LIFE miserable. It’s their family– how the HELL is THIS going to pan out? What do THEY think of you? What will they SAY to you? How will they react to the fact that you haven’t seen your kid– and moreover, the fact that your ex more-than-likely LIED to them about the reasons why you haven’t seen your kids…!

A female friend of mine told me once that women like “crazy” are not as crafty and convincing as they THINK they are. People like “crazy” work HARD at maintaining the bubble that houses their narrative! The problem for people like “crazy” is that this bubble is TRANSPARENT. My friend told me that EVERYONE in “crazy’s” life– friends and family alike– KNOW HER well enough to know when she is full of shit. She maybe telling them a bunch of things…but her friends and family don’t believe her, and CONSTANTLY question her behavior and motives.

Long story-short (too late..!), I got to the house a few minutes early– they were to return from church shortly. When the car pulled up, and the back car door opened, and Maya jumped out…she saw my car, then saw me get out, and yelled “DADDY!!!” She ran to me and jumped into my arms. Then “crazy’s” parents greeted me…and they were very pleasant. They were, in fact, THRILLED that I was there to take Maya out! They took pictures, and were VERY supportive– which was QUITE a relief for me, I can assure you!

It goes without saying that my 90 minute with my daughter were as well spent as they could have been. The bulk of the visit was spent alone in a booth at a diner- just the two of us- enjoying a big breakfast.  We talked about school, her toys, her new hobbies, her friends, and stuff…we also talked about what had transpired the last time we had seen each other. She did not want to talk about it at first, but I insisted that I just wanted to say a few things, and that we could totally drop it and move on to other things. As I explained the situation, I made it a point to tell her that this was NOT HER FAULT. I told Maya as straight as I could, and without totally disparaging “crazy”, that her mother is doing things that are getting in the way of our relationship. I told Maya that I didn’t know why her mother was doing these things, but that I was doing everything I could to fix things. That was when Maya started to pull her self out of the booth. For a moment, I thought that she was going to run away or something– I didn’t know what she was going to do. She came over to my side of the booth, jumped into my lap, and started sobbing. It’s enough to break your heart– and it broke mine…but I was SO RELIEVED, because SHE GOT IT. She understood what was going on, and she HATED it! I was heart broken because my little girl only wants to love and be loved…she doesn’t want to have to “pick” and “decide” between one parent or another– which is EXACTLY what “crazy” is damn-near FORCING her to do! And that made me angrier than I had been previously.

One of the MANY things that I despise about “crazy” as a person is what she is willing to do to HER OWN CHILD’S emotional well-being…ONLY to satiate her OWN ego and issues…it’s fucking sick. It’s disgusting. It’s needless and UNNECESSARY. How many of us have to watch our children struggle because our ex’s are addicted to being assholes? It’s not right. IT’S NOT FAIR.

Keeping in line with everything I’ve discussed here, I recorded the breakfast chat between my and my daughter. I HATED doing it– hated having to take out my phone, start up the voice recorder app, then set the phone face-down on the table, so as to not draw attention to it. I KNOW I don’t need to prove how great my relationship is with my daughter…but lawyers, social workers, and judges DO need that proof. However, I wish that I had kept the recorder running the entire time I was there, not to capture what my daughter was saying…but what her GRAND PARENTS were saying.

The “unexpected allies” I mention in the title of this post are the grand parents– not your parents, but your ex’s parents. In my case, I have had a rather complicated relationship with “crazy’s” parents. Through it all, however, we had always come to a general understanding: “crazy” is the problem. Talk about getting it– “crazy’s” parents KNOW her better than I do. They can see right through “crazy’s”…well, craziness. It’s her parents that had originally told me that 80% of what comes out of “crazy’s” mouth is a lie. They KNOW that their daughter is problematic– they’ve even acknowledged their responsibility in their not doing enough to deal with these issues when “crazy” was younger. Now she is nearly 40, and trapped in the dysfunctional and emotionally crippled mindset of a 16 year old.

Before I left their house, “crazy’s” mother confided in me her concerns. Now, I won’t go into too much detail, but here is the bottom line in what she explained to me: She and her husband are concerned, first and foremost, with Maya’s well-being; Maya needs both her daddy AND her mommy. It is clear that “crazy” is interfering with that– for whatever reasons she has…which are reasons that are NOT in Maya’s best interests. “Crazy’s” behavior, being antithetical to Maya’s best interests, have put them in a position where they cannot defend “crazy”. And if they cannot defend her…they will not vouch for her when “shit” goes down. In other words…when it comes to their grand daughter, IF they had to choose, they may have to “sell out” their OWN daughter due to the situation she has created. THAT is a conversation that I WISHED I had recorded…but I did not, because I wasn’t prepared. Learn from my mistakes– BE PREPARED!

So there you have it! Six months of bullshit later, and I get to spend 90 minutes alone with my little girl. And “crazy” is angry and bitter because Maya and I had such a great time together. And that’s a good thing, believe it or not! The more she reacts negatively, the MORE she will have to EXPLAIN THAT TO A JUDGE! Remember– all you have is the truth…and that’s ALL you need. The behavior of the alienator speaks for itself! But it doesn’t hurt to have evidence, AND allies. Remember, these people are more wrapped up in spinning and managing their lies and false narratives– so you HAVE TO put yourself in a position to be 10 steps ahead of her. Don’t focus on temporary victories– your goals should be long-term. Ignore the alienator, focus on your kids.

TO BE CONTINUED….


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Knowledge is POWER #2: THINK Like a Lawyer

In the overly-litigious society that we live in today, the word “lawyer” is met with its share of scorn and frustration. I think most of these feelings are perpetuated by those who are beaten by “good” lawyers. For those who have ended up on the losing side of courtroom argument, nothing can be as harsh and as ego-bruising as a room full of people who are basically either calling you a liar, or telling you that your accusations or claims are false, unworthy of merit,  and not worth further consideration. These are arguments lost, and won, by how well a lawyer represents your side of the story.

Now, even a BAD lawyer can win a case if the opposing side has little or no evidence to back up their claims. But a good lawyer could lose a case for the same reasons; if their client has no ground to support their accusations, OR if they have no evidence to support their innocence. This could make ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD to those of us who have to spend 5-10-20  years in court, essentially fighting the same battles OVER, AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Personally, I’ve been in court battles since 2008– having to bring in a judge because the opposing party in my case (known on this blog as “crazy”), has decided to TRY to make my life difficult by using my daughter as a pawn in her toxic, emotionally-crippled game. It’s selfish, obnoxious, hurtful, counter-productive…a PURE WASTE of time, energy, and money. The main thing that makes these constant trips to the courtroom so wasteful is that I have collected a pile of evidence and proof that is so anti-thetical to her false narrative that even her own lawyers and the judges presiding the cases grow weary and tired of her.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a lawyer. I used to LOVE “The People’s Court”, then hosted by Judge Joe Wapner (back in the good ‘ol 1980s), then later on “Divorce Court” with Judge William Keene, and later than that was “Judge Judy”. I would watch people on these shows make one accusation after another…but when the judges started questioning them…POP-POP-POP! went the holes in their stories. It doesn’t take much to call out a liar. ALL IT TAKES is a steady and consistent line of questioning.

“Crazy” has stories a-plenty, let me tell you! The problem is that when you start asking follow-up questions…she stutters, babbles, folds and falls flat on her face. It’s because it takes A LOT OF ENERGY to lie! Not only do you have to remember the lies you told, but then you have to come up with OTHER LIES to supplement the previous lies– it’s a lot of keep track of. The liar could then be asked a question that they did not consider previously, and will have to then “improv” their lies on the spot. The new lies are NEVER as stable as the other lies that they told before.

It’s EASY for the alienators to concoct their bullshit in the comfort of their own bubble, where they can control the flow of information. Their own bubble is usually their parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, etc. These are people that either believe the alienator, OR they KNOW the alienator is not being honest, but couldn’t be bothered to challenge them. I know a few of “crazy’s” friends that don’t really come around anymore. Know why? Because they challenged her behavior– the did NOT believe the false narrative. So now, they are useless to the alienator, and they are closed off out of the bubble.

It’s not enough to KNOW these things are going on. I know I’ve said this a few times in this blog, and I will say it OVER AND OVER again, so get used to it, because you NEED to be…DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Everything? YES, EVERYTHING!!! Every phone call, every text message, every voice mail message, police reports, every visit, EVERYTHING needs to be documented, recorded, and ARCHIVED. I’ve been doing this since 2008– FIVE YEARS. And YOU NEED TO DO IT. And please, NO OFFENSE to you ladies out there reading this blog– there are women who will walk into a lawyer’s office with some sobbing victim story, that they will take to the court room with them, with a lawyer’s help in the spin and courtroom performance. Unfortunately, it is OFTEN IMPLIED that YOU, the male, are IN THE WRONG. You have to realize how POWERFUL and VALIDATING it is to be able to present evidence in court– not hearsay, but CONCRETE EVIDENCE– that proves that she is lying. NOTHING can be as EMPOWERING in these situations to have that stern, cold eye of justice pointed in the OTHER direction!

You have to be prepared, even before you go to a lawyer, and ESPECIALLY if you decided to go into court without one. Whether or not your child was born out of wedlock, resulting from a one-night stand, caught in the middle of a divorce– DOESN’T MATTER. The MOMENT you start suspecting issues, START DOCUMENTING. If this has been going on for years, DOESN’T MATTER– START DOCUMENTING. Go through old emails and texts, DON’T COPY-AND-PASTE, take SCREENSHOTS! Start recording ALL telephone conversations– I don’t care if you’re using an iPad or a cassette recorder– RECORD THEM ALL– good, bad, boring, 15 second, 1/2 an hour, DOESN’T MATTER. You have to CATCH these people in the act– the more often, the better! YOUR JOB is to keep track of, and make records, that illustrate a pattern of behavior that proves your point. Keep a journal documenting ALL encounters with your children AND the custodial parent, so that time won’t interfere with the accuracy of the recounts of events.

The most important thing of all: DON’T LIE. BE HONEST ABOUT EVERYTHING. Warts and all, you have to tell the truth. It’s a LOT EASIER to tell the truth than to keep up with the lies.  You may get to a point when you are cross-examined by his/her lawyer. If you’re telling the truth, that’s all you have to do– TELL IT. Even when they try to trip you up with tricky courtroom games– which is what a lawyer will do when they have NO CASE– as long as you are consistent, direct, BREIF, and honest…that makes your side of the story a difficult one to contend with.

You have to play and replay this situation in your head. You have to teach yourself how to play “devil’s advocate” with yourself– take HER SIDE of the story and think HONESTLY…does she have a point? Is she in the right to keep your kids away from you? BE HONEST. If you can’t, within all reason and personal accountability, if you CAN NOT think of ANY WAY that she has a valid point…you’re in good shape. However, if you DO find that you’re in the wrong for WHATEVER reason…you need to make amends. That may mean that you contact this person, tell them you want to talk, and TALK. Maybe you can find some common ground that won’t require legal action. Maybe you’ve hit a rough patch and you both are able to realize that the kids are more important than this foolishness. But if you’re like me, and you are dealing with someone who is not capable of reason, full of spite, anger and bitterness, and who’s undiagnosed mental illness has not only gotten worse, but has taken control and is attempting to jeopardize your relationship with your child…At that point, there is no amount of discussion or conversation that will change the situation.

Believe it or not, the tide of opinions regarding the implied “truth” of women is changing. In other words, in many cases, it’s not been enough for a woman to play victim and get rewarded for it. What we men have to do is SPEAK UP with FACTS and EVIDENCE. And look, I get it– it’s a PAIN IN THE ASS to have to get the equipment ready, to comb through old emails, all that stuff– I get it…but TOUGH SHIT. These are your kids we’re talking about here. If you say “I’d do ANYTHING for my kids!”…this is when you prove it. DON’T let YEARS go by with no contact because that shrew you’re dealing with won’t GIVE YOU your parental rights. You MAY go weeks, or even months…but DON’T let it go YEARS. Send your kids letters/email/texts, send them a present here and there– AND KEEP TRACK OF ALL OF IT! Receipts, scans, photocopies, snapshots…

You have to THINK like a lawyer in order to gain the perspective you need to make this situation right. You have to look at yourself, flaws and faults and all, and REALLY THINK about whether or not you are a victim of a person who is purposefully alienating your child from you by NO FAULT OF YOUR OWN. You have to be able to SHOW and PROVE that this is happening. You can’t put a criminal in jail without proof…same goes for an alienator: you won’t have justice if you can’t show their lies.

TO BE CONTINUED

“Bob Geldof on Fathers”

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Musician Bob Geldof recounts his experiences with Parental Alienation, along with other fathers. This video is upsetting. It made me SO ANGRY I could do nothing but cry over it. It’s a sick, sick person that is so craven and spiteful that they use children to play out their toxic and destructive games.

I’ve noticed on Twitter that PAS is prevalent in the UK. It’s hard to say whether or not that dads in the UK are just more vocal about these issues than American dads…but there is NO DOUBT that no matter the national flag, we’re ALL dads getting a raw deal from bitter, horrible people.

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED…


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The Here and Now #4: Happy Birthday to Me

Yesterday, March 21st, was my 41st birthday. Most of the day was nice, but unremarkable; people at work were very nice, I got LOTS of Facebook birthday greetings, and my lady gave me some good stuff. The most remarkable/unremarkable thing that happened to me on my 41st birthday was that I spoke to my daughter, Maya, for nearly 30 minutes last night. It’s unremarkable because I have a great relationship with my daughter. It’s remarkable, because it was the first time I had spoken to her since October.

As I’m typing this, her mother (who is known as “crazy”) texted me to tell me how “inappropriate” my conversation was with my daughter. Her definition of “inappropriate” was me telling Maya that she should come visit me soon, and that her brother and her step-mom Christina and the rest of my family miss her, and that she needs to call more and text me, and Facetime me more. THAT was what was “inappropriate.” Oh, and she also said that I “demanded” that Maya stay on the phone, even though she told me that she had homework to do (a 7 year old doing homework at 8pm on a school night?!). Her definition of “demanded” was me saying “Come on now, honey– I haven’t talked to you in a long time! At least you can give me a few minutes– I want to see how you are!” THAT was “demanded”. Asshole…

“Crazy” had the call on speakerphone, so that she could hear everything that I said– of course.  Which is fine, because I was recording the call with my iPad, so I don’t care what she did or didn’t hear– I have NOTHING TO HIDE. This all started because “crazy” sent me a text last night to tell me that Maya wanted to wish me a Happy Birthday. I called bullshit on this because “crazy” has done NOTHING to facilitate phone conversations, visits, or ANYTHING ELSE in MONTHS! She has ONLY told me that Maya is mad at me because I “stole her toys”– which is “crazy” speak for the fact that I took on of Maya’s toys as punishment because of her behavior. THAT is theft to “crazy”, and a accusation that she was allowing Maya to believe. Or so I thought.

Anyway, I got this text from “crazy”, and I texted her back “Then she can call or Facetime me.” Much to my and Christina’s surprise, the phone rang about 5 minutes later. I answered, and was greeted with “Hi Daddy! Happy Birthday!!!” MUSIC. TO. MY. EARS. As far as I was concerned, my birthday wasn’t going to get any better than THAT moment. It did.

When Maya and I spoke on the phone, it was as if we had just seen each other last week. There was no anger in her voice, or in any of the things that she said to me. She mentioned NOTHING about the “stolen toys” that her mother complained about. Maya told me about her new Skylanders figures (it’s part of a Wii game). She told me about school, and she asked me about her brother. I told her all the new things that he was doing– his new words, his sense of humor, EVERYTHING! “He’s a whole new baby!” I said to her. We both laughed and joked and had a GREAT conversation!

You know what all of this proves? It proves that the problem is NOT with me and Maya…it’s EXCLUSIVELY with “crazy”! Now I didn’t need any proof of that, I KNOW what the situation is. But the fact that “crazy” had to text me to tell me how “inappropriate” my conversation was, and threatening me about bringing this up in court (which I HOPE she does, but she won’t), when ALL this situation does is PROVE that she is ACTING OUT OF MALICE which is ANTITHETICAL to her responsibility as the custodial parent to nurture a healthy relationship with the other parent. She tells the courts that I have anger management issues, and that Maya is afraid of me, and is mad at me…but the REALITY is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

This is what these people do, ladies and gentlemen. See, “crazy” thought that she was serving herself by having Maya call me– “This will make me look like the responsible parent! He can’t say that his daughter didn’t call him on his birthday!” The problem for “crazy” is that this plan backfired on her. She was totally expecting Maya to speak to me on the phone for a few moments, and that would be it. She did NOT expect that Maya would WANT to talk to me, and laugh with me…and then Maya invited me to her communion! THAT was something that I KNOW that “crazy” was not expecting! “Crazy” shot herself in the foot by putting her own argument against me into doubt. One only needs to hear the conversation between Maya and I to see that there is no love lost between the two of us.

I’ve said it before, and I will continue to say it: crazy is sloppy. That’s crazy without quotes– meaning that people that act this way will ALWAYS screw up. And you need to be on your toes to capture it. As soon as Maya spoke, I jumped up from the sofa, grabbed my iPad, and started recording. The idiotic text message that “crazy” sent me will go into the archives as evidence. THESE ARE THE THINGS WE ALL HAVE TO DO!!! I’ve also said this before, YOU ARE BATMAN! You have to be the detective that gathers information and builds the case, AND you have to be the hero to save your kids from the toxic, immature, obnoxious, sloppy, and moronic behavior of the alienators. I know it’s a lot of work– the LAST thing I wanted to do was try to scramble to record this phone conversation with my daughter, but I HAD NO CHOICE. “Crazy” is the one that created this situation, and is continuing to perpetuate it, even when her own plan blew up in her face! This fuck-up on her part won’t stop her from continuing to act out. This WON’T stop until we get into court. Actually, it WILL start to stop once she gets the summons in the mail about her alienating behavior. I can predict it now– if she doesn’t make a beligerent call (she knows I record them), she will send nasty text messages (which I will keep, of course), which will THEN lead to her FINALLY getting Maya back to visiting me. But by then it will be too late…on top of the fact that the court will notice that and ask her “Why now?” The best part is that “crazy” FALLS APART in front of a judge, so…bullshit only gets you so far.

So Happy Birthday to Me!! I had a great conversation with my little girl, which in turn made “crazy” look A LOT WORSE! Sure, the later is a bit petty…but fuck it. I’m at war. WE’RE ALL at war, with these horrible, shitty people! You don’t win wars with empathy. We must be ruthless and undeniable. ANY dirtbag that fucks with our kids deserves nothing more than that. We didn’t start this…but we WILL finish this…because, we have no choice.

TO BE CONTINUED…